Positive affirmations in pregnancy: how to write your own and make them a ritual

A sentence said out loud in the morning won't decide how your pregnancy or your birth goes, but it can change how you start the day. Here's where the habit of repeating words comes from, what's actually known about positive affirmations in pregnancy, and how to write your own and turn them into a five-minute ritual.

None of this replaces your midwife or your antenatal classes. It's a bit of time for you, and it works better the more you make it your own.

Repeating words, a very old habit

In India, japa is the practice of repeating a mantra under your breath, keeping count on a mala, a string of 108 beads, so your mind stays on the words rather than the numbers. The Ayurvedic tradition also has a name for looking after the mind during pregnancy, garbh sanskar: the mother recites mantras, listens to calm music and tends her thoughts, with the idea that all of it reaches the baby too.

In Spain and Latin America, the closest thing is the lullaby. The poet García Lorca gave a whole lecture on Spanish lullabies, and anyone who has sung one knows you sing it as much to calm yourself as to calm the baby. In the early twentieth century a French pharmacist, Émile Coué, made famous a sentence his followers repeated on waking and at bedtime: “Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.”

They all share the same gesture: a few words, always the same ones, at the same time of day. Affirmations are today's version of it.

What's known about positive affirmations in pregnancy

Very few studies look at affirmations on their own. In pregnancy they almost always come as part of birth preparation that combines them with breathing, relaxation and visualisation, such as hypnobirthing, and there several small studies point to less fear of birth and a calmer experience of it. What can't be separated out is which part does the work: the words, the breathing, or simply stopping for a few minutes each day.

Another line of research seems more useful to me when it comes to writing them. When people spend a few minutes writing about what really matters to them, their family or the way they do things, they cope better with tense moments afterwards. On the other hand, repeating an over-optimistic sentence can backfire: in one well-known study, people with low self-esteem felt worse after repeating “I'm a lovable person”. Your mind answers back, and the answer is no.

So is it worth it? I think so, as long as the sentence is true for you today. And there's a detail I love: by the third trimester your baby can hear, and at birth recognises their mother's voice. Saying your affirmations out loud is also talking to them.

How to write your own

Ready-made affirmations tend to fail for the same reason: they promise too much. “My birth will be perfect” isn't up to you, and the first contraction will remind you. These pointers help you write sentences that hold up on a bad day.

• Believe them. “I can handle what today brings, step by step” holds up better than “everything will be perfect”.
• Let them admit what's hard. “I'm tired, and I've still looked after myself today” is true on both counts.
• Present and specific. Something you can do this very afternoon, like “today I'll sit with my feet up for a while”.
• Rooted in what you value. The way you love, the people around you, what you've already come through.
• Use your name, now and then. Talking to yourself as you'd talk to a friend, “come on, (your name), one step at a time”, helps you step back when your nerves are getting the better of you.
• Short. Short enough for one breath.

The ritual: five minutes in the morning

My advice is to do it at the same moment every day, tied to something you already do, like your first glass of water in the morning. That way it doesn't depend on remembering.

• Write three sentences by hand on a card. You think more slowly by hand than on your phone.
• Sit comfortably, feet flat on the floor and one hand on your bump.
• Take a few breaths, in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth, a little longer out than in.
• Say each sentence out loud three times, unhurried. If one sticks in your throat, cross it out: that wasn't the one.
• Finish with one small thing for the day: a ten-minute walk, a phone call to someone, an earlier night.

During the day, leave the card where you'll see it: under a magnet on the fridge, next to your toothbrush or tucked into your phone case. Change the sentences when they stop meaning anything, every week or two at first. In the last few weeks, the card can go straight into your hospital bag.

If you like pairing your breathing with a gentle scent, there are ideas in aromatherapy to ease anxiety before the birth; check with your midwife before using essential oils in pregnancy.

Sentences to start with

Treat these as a first draft and change the words until they sound like you.

For pregnancy

• “My body is doing an enormous job, and today I'm treating it kindly.”
• “Today, doing what I can is enough.”
• “I can ask for help and accept it.”
• “I already love this baby, even though I don't know their face yet.”

For the birth

• “Each contraction is one less.”
• “I breathe, drop my shoulders and keep going.”
• “If the plan changes, I can still cope.”
• “I'm not alone.”

For after the birth

• “I trust myself to look after my baby and myself.”
• “It's normal to need time to adjust, and I'm giving myself that time.”
• “My body is recovering at its own pace.”
• “I accept support from the people around me; I don't have to do it all alone.”
• “My baby and I are learning together.”

For the first weeks at home, you'll find more ideas in how to organise life as a first-time mum.

When words aren't enough

Affirmations go well with a good day and help with an ordinary one, but they don't cure low mood or anxiety. If you notice you've lost interest in things you used to enjoy, you're crying often, or a worry won't let go of you, tell your midwife or your doctor, during pregnancy or after. You don't have to wait until things are really bad.

After the birth, a few days of tears and feeling low are very common and usually pass within about two weeks. If they don't, or they get worse, ask for help. And if you ever have thoughts of harming yourself, call emergency services straight away.

If a sentence leaves you feeling worse than before, drop it. You haven't failed: that sentence just wasn't yours.

Start tomorrow with just one, the one you believe.