First-time mum: how to organise this new chapter without filling the house with things

A newborn needs very little: to sleep safely, to feed, to be clean and warm, and to have you close. Here's how to organise this new chapter as a first-time mum with that in mind: what to buy and what to leave for later, how to sort out the money, how to set up the house for the nights, which clothes will actually work for you, and how to share out the work so you get some rest.

Every baby and every home has its own pace, so read this as ideas to pick from, not a list to tick off in full.

What a newborn really needs

In Finland, for more than eighty years, every expectant mother has been given a box from the state with the basics for the first months: clothes, a sleeping bag, a blanket, cloth nappies, muslins, a bath thermometer and not much else. It began in a poor country, so that no baby would start life without the minimum, and today families of every kind collect one. To me it's the best shopping list there is, because it fits in a cardboard box.

By that measure, the essentials for the first weeks are a short list:

• A safe place to sleep: a cot or Moses basket with a firm, flat mattress, and nothing else in it.
• Six to eight vests and as many sleepsuits, most of them in 0–3 months. Only a couple in newborn size: plenty of babies grow out of it in two or three weeks.
• Nappies for ten to twelve changes a day, which is normal at the start.
• Half a dozen muslins, which do almost everything.
• Something to carry your baby in: a pram, a wrap or a sling.
• An approved car seat, if you'll be driving home from the hospital.

The rest can wait until you've met your baby. A lot of “just in case” buys end up in the loft with the tags still on.

Baby clothes hardly wear out, because they're worn for a few weeks and before the baby crawls, so hand-me-downs and second-hand clothes are a sensible choice and kinder to the planet. Two things need more care: the car seat, because with a second-hand one it's hard to know whether it's been in an accident, and the cot mattress, which should be firm and flat. If you're unsure about either, it's better to buy new.

Sort out the money before the birth

The costs of this stage all arrive at once, often just as the household income changes during leave. It helps to sit down one afternoon before the birth and split them into four piles:

• what you must buy before the baby arrives, which is the list above;
• what can be bought later, once you know you really need it;
• the monthly costs that will go up, such as nappies, electricity and the food shop;
• a small fund for the unexpected, however modest.

My advice is to put the big buys in the second pile on hold for a few weeks. A bouncer, a breast pump or a baby monitor can be really useful or never used at all, and you'll only know once you see what your baby is like and how you settle in. When someone asks what you need, having that list to hand saves you from duplicate presents.

Set up the house for night feeds

The first weeks come in chunks of two or three hours, day and night. What makes the biggest difference is not having to get up and look for something with the baby in your arms, so it's worth setting up two corners, the way a well-planned kitchen keeps the salt and oil by the hob.

A feeding corner, breast or bottle, wherever you'll spend most hours:

• A chair or armchair with a good back and a cushion for your back or arms.
• A big bottle of water, because breastfeeding makes you very thirsty.
• Snacks you can eat with one hand: fruit, nuts, a small sandwich.
• A charger with a long cable, a low light and a muslin.

A changing spot, with nappies, wipes or cotton wool, warm water, cream and a change of clothes within arm's reach. If your home has stairs, a basket with the basics on each floor saves you a lot of trips. On a raised changing surface, never take your hand off the baby, not even for a second.

There's one decision worth making before you're exhausted. If you feel sleep taking over during a feed, put the baby down in their cot or hand them to your partner; don't fall asleep with them on the sofa or in an armchair, because it raises the risk of sudden infant death. For sleep, the safest place is their own cot or Moses basket, on their back, in your room for at least the first six months.

Clothes for you: few, soft and easy to open

Your body takes weeks to settle, and your pregnancy clothes will go on working for longer than you'd think. What changes is what you ask of each piece: that it opens easily if you're breastfeeding, that it doesn't press on your tummy, especially after a caesarean, and that it copes with back-to-back washes.

Five or six pieces that go together will see you through these weeks: two soft pairs of trousers, a couple of tops or shirts that open at the front, a roomy jumper or sweatshirt, nursing bras if you're breastfeeding, and something you can wear to answer the door or go for a walk without changing everything. For fabric, cotton breathes better than polyester and tends to bother sensitive skin less, and after the birth your skin sweats more than usual too, especially at night.

If you want your maternity clothes to last beyond the birth, there are ideas in how to save with maternity clothes. Our organic cotton dress is designed for pregnancy and for afterwards, so it's one of the pieces that stays in the wardrobe once the baby arrives.

Share out the work before you need to

The help that works best is help asked for by name. “Let me know if you need anything” is kindly meant, but with a baby in your arms you can't think what to say. So before the birth, write a list of jobs and stick it on the fridge: put a wash on, hang it out, empty the dishwasher, take the bins out, do the food shop, walk the dog. Whoever visits picks one.

With your partner, share out the nights and the mornings too. If you're breastfeeding, your partner can take on nappies, dressing the baby or taking them out for a walk so you can go back to bed.

Keep visits short and at times that suit you. Someone you trust to answer the messages and say “not today” for you is a real help. And if anyone asks what to give you, there are ideas in gifts for mums-to-be that do more than another soft toy.

And the house? It can wait. When the baby sleeps, rest too, even with dishes in the sink, and if you're worried about sleeping too long, set an alarm.

Your mental wellbeing in these weeks

In the first days, lots of mothers cry without knowing why, feel irritable or suddenly very unsure of themselves. It's so common it has a name, the baby blues, and it usually passes on its own within about two weeks. Knowing that beforehand helps you not to read it as failing.

What keeps your spirits up in these weeks is small things: going out for a walk with the baby every day, even for ten minutes; a shower without rushing while someone else holds the baby; a hot meal at least once a day; and putting your phone away when other mothers' lives online make you feel behind on everything. Nobody is on top of it all, including the people who look as if they are.

Some signs aren't tiredness, and they're worth telling your midwife or doctor about without waiting: low mood that lasts more than two weeks or gets worse, not being able to sleep even when the baby sleeps, nothing giving you any pleasure, a lot of guilt, or finding it hard to feel close to your baby. Postnatal depression can start at any point in the first year, it's common and it can be treated. Asking for help doesn't make you a worse mother.

Rarer, but urgent, is postpartum psychosis. It usually starts suddenly in the first two weeks, with confusion, strange ideas, seeing or hearing things that aren't there, or a racing energy that won't let you sleep. The person who has it often doesn't realise, so tell your partner, or whoever will be with you, about these signs. If they appear, or if you have thoughts of harming yourself or the baby, get urgent help that same day.

Fewer things and more hands. With those, these weeks weigh a lot less.