Gifts for mums-to-be: ideas built on care, ritual and time

What a woman appreciates most at the end of pregnancy and in the first weeks with a baby rarely fits in a box. Here are gifts for mums-to-be that go beyond the usual, grouped around three ideas, time, care and keepsakes, with what you need to put each one together.

The traditional gift was the layette, the set of clothes made ready for a baby about to be born. That's lovely, but the baby rarely goes short of presents. These ideas are for her.

What if you don't know what she needs? Ask her. I think it's the step we skip most often, because we want it to be a surprise, and a gift that genuinely solves something is worth more than one that surprises her for an afternoon.

Time

A meal rota for after the birth

In many cultures, the weeks after the birth are a time apart: the cuarentena of Spanish-speaking grandmothers, or the Chinese zuo yuezi, “sitting the month”, when the mother does almost nothing and the women around her cook and run the house. The modern version is friends and family organising meals for the first few weeks, so nobody in that house has to think about what's for dinner.

It's simple to organise. Ask her partner about allergies, likes and how many people are at home, and set up a shared sheet or a group chat with a calendar: one day, one person, one dish. Cover at least the first two weeks, ideally three or four. Everyone leaves the food at the door or hands it over briefly, without staying unless asked.

Dishes that keep and reheat well work best: lentil stew, a hearty cocido, vegetable soup, meatballs in sauce, lasagne, chicken and rice. Use containers that don't need returning, labelled with the dish, the date and how to reheat it. Let the food cool and get it into the fridge or freezer within two hours; frozen food should be defrosted in the fridge and reheated until it's steaming hot all the way through.

If she's planning her own homecoming, she'll find ideas in how to organise life as a first-time mum.

Time vouchers

This is the cheapest gift and the one that gets used most, as long as it has a date. A voucher with no date ends up in the drawer with the old chargers.

Write each voucher on a card, with a date or “let me know and I'll come that week”, and slip them into a pretty envelope. A few ideas:

• A morning's deep clean before the birth.
• Doing the washing and folding one afternoon a week for the first month.
• Taking older siblings to and from school for a week.
• Walking the dog, doing the food shop or going to the chemist.
• Looking after the baby for two hours while she sleeps or has an unhurried shower.

If you live far away, a few hours of booked cleaning does the same job.

Care

A self-care basket you put together

A basket you've filled by hand says far more than a ready-made set, because every item has been chosen for her. The idea is that everything helps her rest, now and after the birth.

• A cotton nightdress for pregnancy and breastfeeding, with a front opening.
• A pair of thick, soft socks for home.
• An unscented vegetable oil, such as sweet almond oil, for foot or bump massages (check first that she has no nut allergy).
• A lip balm, welcome with the heating on and sleepless nights.
• A couple of boxes of pregnancy-friendly tea, such as rooibos or ginger, and a pretty mug.
• An eye mask for daytime naps.
• A handwritten card with a “voucher for a foot massage”, from you or her partner.

All you need to put it together is a wicker basket or a covered box, tissue paper and a ribbon. Big things at the back, small ones at the front and the card on top, so it's the first thing she sees.

Many women notice smells more strongly and have more sensitive skin in pregnancy, so choose unscented or very lightly scented products. No essential oils for the skin, or bath salts with essential oils, unless she's talked it through with her midwife, and if you add something for the bath, it's for a warm bath, not a hot one.

Packing the hospital bag with her

Packing the hospital bag can be a chore at the end of pregnancy, or a lovely afternoon if you do it together, with a pot of tea and the baby's tiny clothes laid out on the bed. It's best to have it ready about three weeks before the due date.

For her, it usually means loose clothes, a nightdress or pyjamas that open at the front, nursing bras, plenty of spare underwear, a wash bag, a charger with a long cable and some snacks. For the baby, vests, sleepsuits, a hat, socks, a going-home outfit, nappies and a muslin. And for her birth partner, a change of clothes, a charger and something to eat.

You can give the bag already packed, with pouches sorted by category, or give the bag and the plan. If you're looking for one that works for the hospital and then for everyday life with the baby, our Bolsa Multiuso Positive Care is designed for exactly that.

An experience just for her

Time out of the house, with nothing to prepare, is care too. A pregnancy massage with a therapist trained in prenatal massage, who'll know which positions and oils to use (she should check with her midwife first). A pregnancy photo session at home or outdoors. Or something as simple as an afternoon at the cinema, a long breakfast at her favourite café or a hair appointment, with someone to look after the older children.

Keepsakes

A gathering of good wishes

Where a baby shower centres on gifts for the baby, some people prefer a small gathering centred on the mother. It draws on ceremonies from different cultures that support a woman before the birth, and in its simplest form it's a quiet afternoon with her friends and the women in her family.

Invite only a few people, the ones she'd choose, and ask each to bring a bead and a wish for her written on a card. During the afternoon, each person reads out her wish and threads her bead; at the end it's tied into a bracelet or necklace for her to wear in the last weeks. The cards go in an envelope for her to read again. A simple tea, comfortable chairs, and no more than two or three hours.

Some women love it and others find it overwhelming, so ask her first. If she likes the idea of surrounding herself with kind words these weeks, there's more in positive affirmations during pregnancy.

Something handmade

A knitted blanket, a notebook or an album you've made yourself gets kept for years, in that cupboard where the things nobody throws away live.

A fine cotton knitted blanket is lovely for cuddles, the pram or the sofa. If it's used in the cot, safer-sleep advice says it should be lightweight, firmly tucked in and no higher than the baby's shoulders; thick or padded blankets are best kept out of the cot.

A pregnancy and first-months journal, with short pages she can fill in in five minutes, holds on to what goes by quickly: how she felt each month, things people said, bump photos. Add an envelope for the first scan photo and a few photos already printed, so she can start it on day one.

It doesn't matter which you choose. Make it about how she'll actually live these weeks, not how it looks in a photo.