Christmas while pregnant: rituals and comfort for the festive season

The festive season runs at a different pace when you're pregnant, and I think it's worth choosing that pace yourself rather than letting the calendar set it. Here, date by date, is what to wear, how to rest without missing what matters, what to toast with and a few rituals at home, plus a small tradition or two to start with the baby on the way.

There's no single way to spend them. Every pregnancy is different, and what I'm suggesting is a guide for you to fit to your body and your family.

Before the festivities: decide your pace

What works best is deciding in advance, not halfway through dinner. My suggestion is to pick one moment per celebration, the one you don't want to miss: the toast, opening presents, midnight. Everything else becomes “if I feel like it”, and that way leaving early doesn't feel like you've missed the party.

Agree a signal with your partner too, a word or a gesture that means “we're leaving in twenty minutes”. It saves explaining yourself in front of everyone. And if the season already feels heavy before it starts, there are more ideas in coping with holiday stress.

Christmas Eve: the long dinner

It's the night of most hours sitting down, in a house with the heating up and the oven on since the afternoon. So I think about clothes for the whole evening, not for the photo at the door.

• Keep your waist free. A dress that falls from under the bust, or trousers with a maternity band.
• Layers. A cotton top underneath and a cardigan or wrap on top, to adjust without changing.
• Fabrics that breathe. Cotton feels less hot than polyester and tends to bother sensitive skin less.
• Flat shoes to hand. Foldable ballet flats in your bag, to change into as soon as you sit down.

What if you're having dinner at someone else's house? Ask when you arrive whether there's a room or an armchair where you can lie down for a while with your feet up. Said casually at the start of the evening, nobody takes it as a snub.

A nap that afternoon makes a real difference to how you arrive at dinner. From 28 weeks, your midwife will advise going to sleep on your side, naps included.

Christmas Day: the long lunch

Christmas lunch is generous and long, and what helps most is the simplest: serve yourself small portions, eat slowly and wait a while before lying down, especially if heartburn has been with you these months. As for ham, charcuterie, cheese and seafood, your midwife will tell you what you can have based on your blood tests. One tip: cured ham and charcuterie cooked into croquetas or a stir-fry aren't the same concern as eating them raw.

Afterwards, the good old after-lunch walk. Ten or fifteen minutes' gentle walking feels good, and getting up every so often, even just to carry plates to the kitchen, stops you sitting for hours with your legs still.

If over these days you notice sudden swelling in your face or hands, a bad headache or problems with your vision, call your midwife or go to A&E straight away.

The days in between

Between celebrations come short afternoons, visitors who turn up unannounced and long stretches on the sofa. Something loose that you'd happily answer the door in saves you changing three times a day; our Sudadera Discreta Positive Pregnancy Care is made for exactly that.

They're also the best days for three small rituals.

A simmer pot. It's the old way to scent the house in winter, with no essential oils at all. Put half a litre of water in a saucepan with the peel of one orange, two cinnamon sticks, four or five cloves and a star anise. Bring it to the boil, turn the heat right down and top up the water every half hour. Many women notice smells more strongly in pregnancy, so start small and open a window if it's too much, and don't leave it on the hob if you're out of the kitchen for long. If you like the idea, there are more ways in how to make your home smell lovely.

A warm foot soak. A bowl of warm, not hot, water with a handful of coarse salt. Ten or fifteen minutes, then dry well between your toes. If your partner's willing, a foot massage with a little unscented almond oil (as long as nobody at home has a nut allergy) rounds it off. Essential oils on the skin are best left until you've talked to your midwife.

A cup of something to end the day. Ginger, rooibos, peppermint or fruit tea. It's best to have no more than four cups of herbal tea a day and to avoid any containing liquorice, and remember that black and green tea contain caffeine too.

New Year's Eve: the grapes and the toast

In Spain, the story goes that eating twelve grapes at midnight caught on when grape growers in Alicante had a huge harvest to sell. Either way, gulping down twelve grapes against the clock with heartburn is no fun, so prepare them beforehand: peeled, seeded, in a small bowl, and eat them sitting down. If you don't fancy twelve, twelve clementine segments keep the tradition just as well.

In pregnancy, the safest choice is no alcohol at all. But the toast can still feel special if you give it the same care as a cocktail.

• Alcohol-free sangria. In a jug, 500 ml of red grape juice, the juice of two oranges, a cinnamon stick and slices of orange and apple. An hour in the fridge, then sparkling water to serve.
• Hot spiced apple punch. A litre of apple juice with a cinnamon stick, three cloves and a strip of orange peel, ten minutes over a low heat without boiling. Strain and serve in mugs.
• Dressed-up sparkling water. In a flute, over ice, with a slice of grapefruit and a sprig of rosemary.

If staying up until midnight is a struggle, take a long nap in the afternoon and go to bed as soon as the countdown is over. Nobody will hold it against you.

Twelfth Night: traditions for the baby on the way

This is the last Christmas before the baby arrives, and to me it's the best time to start customs that will last for years. You don't need to do them all; one is enough.

• A dated decoration. Choose or make a tree decoration and write the year on the back. Every Christmas, it's the first to go up.
• A letter to the baby. Write about this year, what you're hoping for, who was at the table. Seal it in an envelope to give them when they're older.
• A first letter to the Three Kings, or a first stocking. If your family celebrates the Kings, write a letter together with a wish for the baby instead of a present; if it's stockings, hang one with their name on it.
• The photo by the tree. Your bump in the same corner of the living room. Next year, same spot, baby in your arms.
• Family voices. Record the grandparents telling you what Christmas was like when they were small.

If you're travelling to see family, there are ideas for travelling comfortably in comfortable clothes for travelling while pregnant.

This Christmas is different. Enjoy it at your own pace.